


All through except the waiting

by Jac_the_Rabbit



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ann struggles with mental health but from afar, F/F, Fantasizing, Masturbation in Shower, Other, Pining, Touch-starved Anne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jac_the_Rabbit/pseuds/Jac_the_Rabbit
Summary: Ann is away trying to manage her mental health. Meanwhile, Anne has been alone for too long and is tired of having to take matters into her own hands.
Relationships: Anne Lister (1791-1840)/Ann Walker (1803-1854)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	All through except the waiting

Anne leaned her head against the shower door and exhaled deeply. The cool glass soothed the faint headache that was threatening to take over. Hot water poured from above and pounded at the knots in her shoulders, washing away the grit and shame of last night’s drinking binge. Steam billowed around Anne as she closed her eyes. Images flashed behind her eyelids, a woman with strong shoulders, teasing with ropes, fetish wear, and toys. Fully dressed but confident and irresistible.

 _Why is this having such an effect on me?_ Anne thought bitterly.

Anne could hear Ann’s shrill, distressed voice shouting in her memory, “We haven’t had sex in a year!” 

_“That’s not true,”_ Anne wanted to respond, but that wasn’t the point. Ann wasn’t herself; she was angry, hurt, and frantic. Anne had failed to support her again. Now Ann was unmoored and flailing. Anne shook herself from the memory of their last fight. 

“This accomplishes nothing,” she murmured to herself as she reached for the shower knobs. She flipped the waterflow from showerhead to tub faucet. Maybe, she thought, If I take the edge off, I’ll be able to focus. Maybe today won’t be a total waste like every other day this week.

Before she could second guess herself Anne was sitting down in the tub and sliding her hips towards the faucet. It had been years since she’d used faucet to masturbate. She was no longer a horny teen with nothing but her hands and creativity. Anne was grown now, with a full array of toys and a wife that could bring her pleasure. But Ann had gone. Moved away to live with her family for a spell. She needed space. The absence ached in Anne’s chest. Anne knew that it was a healthy decision for Ann, but the uncertainty of their future weighed heavily on her thoughts. 

Anne squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head sharply. _Not now._

Anne laid back in the tub. She arched her back to wiggle her body closer to the faucet. Her skin created suction against the bottom of the tub. She pulled away and was released with a sharp pain that coursed along her spine. Anne focused on the sensation, and let it flow through her, grounding herself in this moment and this body. She positioned her hips under the cascading water and sighed as the warmth flowed over her sex. She reached down to spread her folds open, allowing the water to land on her most sensitive areas. 

The pressure of the water was a welcome distraction. In Ann’s absence, Anne was starved of contact, a gentle hand, or even a fucking hug. Anne increasingly found her thoughts wandering to past girlfriends, considering reaching out to Mariana. Again. 

Anne was desperate for outside stimulus, a touch that she couldn’t predict, one she didn’t have to provide for herself. The warm water flickered back and forth across her nub that was quickly becoming swollen. She rolled her hips under the flow varying the pressure and location. She began to massage the sensitive nerves just above her clit. 

Anne closed her eyes and thought of Ann, willing for them to be together. The tub began to fill, and the rising water level tickled her sides and shoulders. She imagined it was Ann’s soft hands caressing her body, gripping her shoulders. The water rose around the back of Anne’s neck, and she pictured Ann planting soft wet kisses along her neck, her golden curls tickling against her collarbones. Ann’s hands combing through her hair, gripping and pulling firmly with desire. Anne exhaled unsteadily.

The water continued to rise. _This fucking tub,_ Anne thought¸ _I just cleared this drain._ She groaned quietly, already distracted and knowing that it would take more than just the faucet to bring her relief. Anne sat up and spun the knobs, decreasing the flow to a trickle and allowing the drain to catch up. She reached up for a basket on the shelf beside the tub. Rummaging around, she produced a small red dildo. 

Anne sat back into the tub and began to press the toy hungrily into her opening. Water makes a terrible lubricant, she thought with irritation, but she was much too eager to pause in her quest for pleasure. She persisted, firmly pressing the toy into her body, retracting a little to spread her natural wetness along the toy before pushing in deeper. Finally, she felt the curved tip of the dildo press against her front wall. She groaned to herself and pressed her hips down until it was fully inside. She felt a delicious pressure against her g-spot. She slowly began thrusting the toy in and out. Each stroke sent electricity through her body and heightened her senses. 

Anne shifted uncomfortably and draped her leg over the side of the tub. Her hips opened, allowing her to make full use of the length of the toy. Anne gradually increased her tempo until she was pumping toy furiously into her center. Anne’s shoulders pressed into the side of the tub. She leveraged her body and wrestled against the constraints as her abs began to burn. A sharp pain began to nag at her cramped hand. Thankfully a sucking sound announced that the drain was clear, and it was time to return to the faucet. Leaving the dildo inside, Anne slid her hips under the faucet again and threw the knobs open. Water pounded onto her sex. 

“Hot!” she hissed through her teeth, reflexively jumping away from the flow of water. “Hmmm,” Anne breathed deeply as the pain flowed through her and she forced her muscles to relax. Anne reached up with her toes and deftly adjusted the knobs. She shifted her hips, carefully testing the water temperature on her lean inner thigh before settling back under the flow. A low moan escaped her throat, she was much closer this time.

Anne reached down and gripped the base of the dildo. She was hungry for more, she wanted to be filled, fucked, and have her clit bombarded by water. Every time she pulled the toy out, her wrist blocked the flow of water on her sensitive bud. Frustrated, Anne switched her approach instead of reaching down between, she threaded her arm behind her leg to grip the dildo. Her fingers scrabbled against the wet, slippery base, and the ceramic of the tub stubbornly refused to give way, preventing her from getting enough leverage to fully fuck herself with the toy.

The tub was filling again, water tickling the back of her neck. Anne rocked her hips under the faucet and groaned as her arousal increased. The water began to creep above her shoulders and settled into the dip at the base of her straining neck. She gave up trying to manipulate the dildo. She rutted her hips against the front wall of the tub, trying to press the dildo deeper inside and hit her spot again and again. The water cascaded onto her clit bringing her closer. Anne kicked at the knob greedily and water crashed down onto her body with new force. One hand wandered to her breast and gripped her nipple, pinching, twisting, and rolling the hard flesh between her fingers. Her other drifted to her neck where she gently cupped her hand over her quickening pulse. 

Anne moaned, finally the sensations were mounting, bringing her release closer. She arched her back and pressed her head down into the bottom of the tub. The water now covered her ears and she heard only the thundering water and her own breath. Anne’s hips rocked rhythmically under the faucet, creating small waves that tickled along her sides and across her stomach. She envisioned hot, wet kisses trailed along the flat of her stomach.

But this time it wasn’t Ann that she was picturing. It was a different woman, her newest tempting flirtation. Someone with supreme confidence and lean arms. Anne pictured this woman above her. Someone who knew how Anne longed to be touched. She would look down upon Anne with a wry smile and she brought Anne to a long-awaited, tortured but euphoric orgasm. A woman with strong hands on Anne’s throat, as she orchestrated an orgasm that would quake through Anne and dissipate into shivers and smiles. Hands that could wield desire like a white-hot saber.

Anne planted her feet on the cold tile wall and bridged her hips up closer to the source of her pleasure. The water now covered her eyes. Only her mouth and nose above remained above water, gulping for air. Her pleasure mounted, sweet release came closer and her muscles tensed. Mercifully, a wave of pure pleasure came crashing over Anne’s body. Her hips bucked, first up, then slamming down into the water. Her body rocked frantically, and waves radiated through the tub. Anne gasped as a warm wave of happiness washed through her body, but found her mouth full of water.

Anne sat up, coughing and sputtering. She quickly turned off the water and slid against the back of the tub. She plunged the dildo into her center, frantically chasing the pleasure that had been so tantalizingly close. Anne’s muscles burned with the focused exertion, her hand cramped, and her pace slackened. She sighed deeply. She reluctantly removed the dildo and slid down the back of the tub. Anne laid the dildo on her stomach and closed her eyes. She could feel her heartbeat in her chest as her breathing slowed.

Unbidden, a hot tear sprang to her eye. Anne wiped a hand over her eyes and let it rest there blocking the light. She kicked out in frustration, striking the drain latch with her heel. 

_Is that as good as it gets anymore?_ Anne wondered bitterly. _Do I really have to do everything myself? Did I even really cum?_  
The water slowly drained from the tub. Cold air settled over Anne’s body. She felt her nipples harden, and the hairs on her stomach prick up as the water retreated. She felt somewhat lighter, maybe she found some release before being unceremoniously dragged back to earth. The tide continued to recede, the frigid air returned and blanketed Anne. Goosebumps sprung up on her legs, and she exhaled, shivering slightly. Anne drew a deep, halting, breath.  
_Control,_ she told herself. Anne stood, dropping the dildo carelessly on the floor, and snatched a towel from the shelf. The faucet provided some variety, some surprises here and there. But it wasn’t Ann. It wasn’t touch imbued with love and care. It was devoid of desire and could not animate her soul like her wife’s hot, wanting breath. Anne missed the excitement and electric passion. 

Anne flipped the towel over her head and scrubbed aggressively as her mind wandered. She needed someone to love, someone who would pour themselves into the void she felt, someone who could hold the love Anne would give in return. Any approximation would do anymore. She felt trapped in an interminable limbo, trying to find ways to make the waiting tolerable. She thought of Mariana, darkly tempting women flashed in her mind.  
Anne wondered if Ann would return, if Ann was well, or if she was even herself anymore. Was Ann healing, and finding strength? Would she decide that Anne wasn’t worth all this bother after all?

 _Keep moving,_ thought Anne to herself.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic...  
> I'd say be gentle but that's not really what I really like anyway.  
> Dedicated to, and inspired by, a shadowy woman that I haven't got the courage to speak to otherwise.


End file.
